we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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