Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Randomize
