dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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