why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
