Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Randomize
