Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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