You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
