there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
