who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
