Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
