I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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