Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
