literally had 100 drinks last night.
4 words: hood of his car
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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