just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
