I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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