I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
did i walk over a car last night?
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
