Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
