and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
