If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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