I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!�
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
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