I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
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