whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Randomize
