K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I pour the whiskey from now on
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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