Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Hippo gnu deer
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
