anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I smell like Dick and happiness
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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