Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
