non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
