So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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