She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Randomize
