Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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