As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
