she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
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