I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
