You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
