If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
He felt like a one man threesome
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I think your dad took our porno
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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