Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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