Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
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