Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
