I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Randomize
