Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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