How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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