someone threw a dead crab at me
Betty ford says i'm here all night
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
