one might say we're banned from that church
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Randomize
