I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
