My first STD was from a foam party
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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