your parents love me but you hate me
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Randomize
