Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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