Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
She bit a glass in half.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
i believe in u and ur pee
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?�
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
