Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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