I faked an abortion last night.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
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