I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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