I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Randomize
