I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
