I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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