they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Randomize
