The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
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