Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
