Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Randomize
