barbara walters just said penis...
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Randomize
