i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
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