shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
