I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
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